I Will Be Grateful For This Day

It was one of those nights, where observation satiates your hunger for conversation and conversation mends you need to be touched....

& If the walls could talk, they would sweat.

Someplace between wakefulness and sleep, between night and day, between dark and light, between the hours of 4 and 5 am. I was standing in your basement, surrounded by strangers, all indulging in whatever temporary high they could swindle out of life for the night, giving me something to smile at.

I think you noticed my eyes flutter breathlessly, lazily. You guide me to your room, you close the door, and lead me to the bed.

I am in an unfamiliar place, ironically the things in this room remind me of familiar faces, and being here is like sitting with an old friend and not having to speak.

I take off my clothes, and trade them out for a pair of yours, blue shorts which hang loosely on my hips, my hair is tousled and messy by now. I am content to sleep.

I lay down, I look up at the ceiling, I notice the faint light that travels in between the wall and rafters. Voices carry. They murmur in and out of my reverie, my state of unconscious awareness. I pull blankets up to my chin, I feel safe, and the fabric is cool on my skin, it gently breathes on my shoulders, my calves, my toes. (An hour from now I will have unconsciously wriggled out of the cool embrace of your blankets, back exposed). Hours seem to pass, I am not sure if I am asleep or awake...

The noisy floor becomes hushed, voices disappear.

The door creaks.
I am my eyes flutter.
The door opens.
I rearrange my legs.
The door closes.
I am too content to turn.

I turn to my side. A body softly lands besides me, and arm reaches around my waist, a hand finds mine. I am startled, but too pacified to protest.
I feel breath on my ear, my breathing is becoming more sporadic. I am predicting the moments before they happen. My mind is ahead of the action.

Lips drag across my neck and a nose caresses my ear. I turn my head, curiosity gets the better of me. This is the calm before the storm. I feel my body slowly being rotated, I am not resisting. And before I can speak, I am beneath him, my heart is clamorous against the walls of it's dark cavern. His hair grazes my eyelashes, His breath is directly over my cheek.

There are moments, before big things happen, where everything stops and seconds feel like hours. This is one of those moments, right before things change. I am preparing myself for the impact.

My hands are pinned behind me, I am trapped, and I do not want to escape. I think about rolling out from under him, but know I will regret it, if I do. Before I have time to decide lips collide into mine, and I am lost. All reason or logic of the precarious position I have found myself in are lost. I am taken. I wrap my legs around his, we twist, and pull and gasp, and I find my lip caught between his teeth my top lip meets his and I collapse, and roll.

I find myself locked on top of him, I press my my hips into his jeans. My hair is a thick mess it brushes his neck and face, he lets me press into the wall, I am satisfied, and I giggle, because he cannot see the smirk playing on my lips. He grabs my head, I give it back to him, I let go.

I don’t remember when we fell asleep or when we woke up. It felt like hours. The kisses faded into sleep. Sleep faded into day. I woke up wondering if it was real, or if my imagination got the better of me. It was the kind circumstance, that left you satiated momentarily, but wanting more the instant you come to realize that it is over. It has passed.

I wonder what he thinks.

-CMH

"And we get drunk and kiss, and our bodies twist like shoe laces" -bright eyes

(rough draft-originally written in March 2008)